RIPPED THIS OFF QIJIAN'S BLOG. wahahahaha.




qjian:
skill of smoking

this skill is most likely to be harnessed during lesson time. great for when you need OP, are arrowed by some cruel teacher, know nothing about the presentation you are presenting, or other situations when you suddenly need to make a statement and you know nothing. super relevant to survival in lessons.

level 0: say the correct answer. get a life man.
level 1: blabber incoherently. at least you're on the right track.
level 2: make cold jokes/blurt out random answers. not really an efficient method but can buy you some time to know what the hell is going on.
level 3: while saying the answer modify it such that you add nonsense to it so that it sounds genuine. this method is adequate to get you through, but there are higher levels to master.
level 4: say nonsense and link it back to your supposed answer at the end. needs a lot of practice and tehnaq.
level 5: say nonsense and make it sound vaguely like a correct answer, but no linkage. you're very very good at this if you make it through. can join debate team already.
level 6: to be discovered. means that i've not seen any more examples of smoking that have more merit than these.

skill of sleeping

best skill ever in life. can be harnessed in lessons, in assembly, in any occasion in which you think your fingernails growing are more interesting than the speaker, even on the bus.

basically there isnt a set rubric of levels of how to attain mastery. you just need to practise. the two levels of absolute mastery are:

sleep in such a non obvious position that no one notices that you are sleeping.

you need a superb sense of balance for this even in sleep. keep absolutely still with head held up in your usual posture or else you will topple over. very hard to master as you will have to learn a brand new posture. if mastered, this skill will mean you can sleep right in front of the teacher. perfect for post-epl nights or test days. people who manage to reach this stage are usually energetic after lessons. now you know why.

sleep in the most obvious position ever and no one notices.

not much tehnaq needed for this, but you need a keen sense of hearing to sense changes around you so you can wake up at a moment's notice. you can sprawl all over your chair, put your head on the table and go into dreamland. usually the people who notice dont really mind. works best if you are good at camofluaging yourself in normal situations.

ok last skill.

skill of cutting queue

super relevant in our school in which queues are a mile long and recesses are short (think math teachers). this skill will help you get your food faster and get to the front faster in any queue you join. a good supplement for a better school life. timing is the most crucial skill needed here. if you time your operation perfectly, chances of success increase.

level 0: obediently follow the queue. wtf?!
level 1: ask the person in front for permission to cut queue. at least you tried, if he refuses.
level 2: distract the person and move in front when he is distracted. good for short-term cutting queue situations, but once the person notices game over. maximum effect when you are near the front already, the person cannot react in time to stop you.
level 3: cut the queue in front abruptly. maximum efficiency, maximum exposure to the people behind. not a very smart way.
level 4: beo a person in front that you know and abruptly cut behind him with his permission. fairly effective, but very obvious. 60-70% chance of succeeding without the people behind shaming you into queueing up the level 0 way.
level 5: level 4, but you somehow manage to slip into the queue quietly without the person behind not noticing. this level is adequate for normal use without getting beaten up everytime.

but for extreme situations...

level 6: start at the back, but slowly ease your way past the person in front without him noticing. this takes a lot of skill so that the person is bamboozled into losing his place. top skill so far i've noticed.